Comments on: A Sad Little Boy http://www.nurturingenvironments.org/2009/09/25/a-sad-little-boy/ Promoting the spread of nurturing environments. Fri, 13 Aug 2010 20:43:10 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: Dennis Embry http://www.nurturingenvironments.org/2009/09/25/a-sad-little-boy/comment-page-1/#comment-2058 Dennis Embry Thu, 08 Oct 2009 03:17:03 +0000 http://www.nurturingenvironments.org/?p=102#comment-2058 Kindness is always appropriate for the child and adult. We need to liberate the sentiment of many to speak to the small children and the Dad in the way Tony did. It is the way I practice mindfulness of supporting parents and kids every day. Kindness is always appropriate for the child and adult. We need to liberate the sentiment of many to speak to the small children and the Dad in the way Tony did. It is the way I practice mindfulness of supporting parents and kids every day.

]]> By: Christine Cody http://www.nurturingenvironments.org/2009/09/25/a-sad-little-boy/comment-page-1/#comment-1988 Christine Cody Mon, 28 Sep 2009 23:11:54 +0000 http://www.nurturingenvironments.org/?p=102#comment-1988 I have encountered these situations mostly in grocery store lines for some reason: for the past 25 years or so, if I ever saw a parent that looked very stressed out with her child's behavior, I would take the time to tell her in some way how beautiful her child was, maybe pointing out a particular feature like smile or hair or eyes. My motivation was to prevent abuse (mental or physical). Somehow I had the feeling that I could stop an emotional roller coaster and allow the mother the chance to see her child again for his or her sweetness and why her child is so special. Of course, I don't know what happened after they left the store, but I would always get a smile and a thank you from the mother. It often seemed as if I had defused a negative situation. I hope so. I have encountered these situations mostly in grocery store lines for some reason: for the past 25 years or so, if I ever saw a parent that looked very stressed out with her child’s behavior, I would take the time to tell her in some way how beautiful her child was, maybe pointing out a particular feature like smile or hair or eyes. My motivation was to prevent abuse (mental or physical). Somehow I had the feeling that I could stop an emotional roller coaster and allow the mother the chance to see her child again for his or her sweetness and why her child is so special. Of course, I don’t know what happened after they left the store, but I would always get a smile and a thank you from the mother. It often seemed as if I had defused a negative situation. I hope so.

]]> By: Mike Biglan http://www.nurturingenvironments.org/2009/09/25/a-sad-little-boy/comment-page-1/#comment-1974 Mike Biglan Sun, 27 Sep 2009 17:56:53 +0000 http://www.nurturingenvironments.org/?p=102#comment-1974 The worst is thinking that adding a little levity and warmth to the situation will result in further and future post-facto punishment The worst is thinking that adding a little levity and warmth to the situation will result in further and future post-facto punishment

]]> By: Jen http://www.nurturingenvironments.org/2009/09/25/a-sad-little-boy/comment-page-1/#comment-1973 Jen Sun, 27 Sep 2009 17:28:25 +0000 http://www.nurturingenvironments.org/?p=102#comment-1973 As the parent of a 14 month old I would agree whole heartedly that yes whenever my little girl is acting up I immediately have feelings of being an inadequate parent and what are people thinking about "how badly" my child is behaving. I think the worst thing people can do is to say nothing, because saying nothing says so much, even if you are thinking, "wow, she's doing a great job, parenting is tough." For me I think the most helpful thing is to not avoid me like I'm the plague. I actually had a mom tell me that her son was sick on the plane and he ended up throwing up and was crying a lot, which would be my worst nightmare, not one single person on the plane offered her assistance or help, or a kind word, instead she received a lot of dirty looks and heard a lot of "it stinks" complaints. Talk about raising your stress level. Your son isn't feeling good and on top of it everyone is glaring at you. So, to answer the question how could we calm and support a parent and help them, I think the best thing we can do is offer a kind word of encouragement or a smile and a hand on the back. A simple "you're doing a good job" always makes me feel good. Or, "He's/She's a cutie, they're a lot of fun when they're sleeping!" Say Something Kind...Jen As the parent of a 14 month old I would agree whole heartedly that yes whenever my little girl is acting up I immediately have feelings of being an inadequate parent and what are people thinking about “how badly” my child is behaving. I think the worst thing people can do is to say nothing, because saying nothing says so much, even if you are thinking, “wow, she’s doing a great job, parenting is tough.” For me I think the most helpful thing is to not avoid me like I’m the plague.

I actually had a mom tell me that her son was sick on the plane and he ended up throwing up and was crying a lot, which would be my worst nightmare, not one single person on the plane offered her assistance or help, or a kind word, instead she received a lot of dirty looks and heard a lot of “it stinks” complaints. Talk about raising your stress level. Your son isn’t feeling good and on top of it everyone is glaring at you.

So, to answer the question how could we calm and support a parent and help them, I think the best thing we can do is offer a kind word of encouragement or a smile and a hand on the back. A simple “you’re doing a good job” always makes me feel good. Or, “He’s/She’s a cutie, they’re a lot of fun when they’re sleeping!” Say Something Kind…Jen

]]> By: Tammy http://www.nurturingenvironments.org/2009/09/25/a-sad-little-boy/comment-page-1/#comment-1957 Tammy Fri, 25 Sep 2009 19:56:39 +0000 http://www.nurturingenvironments.org/?p=102#comment-1957 My heart goes out to you Tony- I worked in retail for 17 years and had thousands of opportunities to be the comforter when children's emotions embarrassed their parents. In most cases, it was the child I responded to- and sometimes if the child was hurt, I would give them a sympathetic look- or say are you ok?- I think if I was a child I would have appreciated that coming from ANY adult. It also seems to comfort the parent, because like you said, they are not sure how the public will feel about their child's crying. My rule of thumb- comfort the child first. I would be curious to see if others agree with me. A more frustrating example to me was last week when I was in the grocery store and a father SCREAMED at his child who was walking in front of the shopping cart- yelling: "get out of the way!"- how does one respond to that- the damage to that child was irreversible- don't you think? My heart goes out to you Tony- I worked in retail for 17 years and had thousands of opportunities to be the comforter when children’s emotions embarrassed their parents. In most cases, it was the child I responded to- and sometimes if the child was hurt, I would give them a sympathetic look- or say are you ok?- I think if I was a child I would have appreciated that coming from ANY adult. It also seems to comfort the parent, because like you said, they are not sure how the public will feel about their child’s crying. My rule of thumb- comfort the child first. I would be curious to see if others agree with me. A more frustrating example to me was last week when I was in the grocery store and a father SCREAMED at his child who was walking in front of the shopping cart- yelling: “get out of the way!”- how does one respond to that- the damage to that child was irreversible- don’t you think?

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