Yes, it is a song by Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young. For the longest time, I thought of it in terms of teaching all the cognitive and motor skills a child needs to succeed. But recently I have become convinced that the first and most important thing that we need to teach our children is about emotions and values. It is only when children learn to manage their emotions and come to value others’ wellbeing that they can succeed in learning the social and academic skills they need to lead happy and productive lives.

My wife, Georgia, directs a preschool. She is a highly skilled teacher, trained in direct instruction, with years of experience in teaching concepts. However, only recently have she and I gotten into teaching about feelings. Her preschool adopted the PATHS Preschool Program which was developed by Celene Domitrovich and Mark Greenberg and have been introducing emotion coaching techniques that John Gottman has written about. They are teaching children about their emotions and ways to deal with their own and others’ emotions.

When children become upset, it’s an opportunity to help them learn about their emotions. Rather than trying to quell the emotion, teachers label it in a warm and empathetic way that matches the emotion of the child: “Oh, you are feeling angry because he took your truck!” Often this sympathetic approach helps calm the child. At the same time that it teaches them about what they are feeling. Rather than learning that it is bad to feel bad, they learn that it is normal to feel bad. Then teachers help children figure out what they are going to do next. In the process they learn that noticing their feelings can be information that guides them to take effective action. (more…)