But developmentalists still tend to think more in terms of some sort of natural emergence of a behavior than in terms of the way that the environment shapes behavior. I think that makes it harder to see the practical steps we can take help children learn self-regulation. So here is a description of the shaping of self-regulation behaviors through reinforcement.

Georgia Layton, is the Director of the Early Education Preschool, which provides classrooms for children with developmental disabilities as well as typically developing children. (She is also my wife!)

I recently asked her to explain to me how she helps children develop the behaviors that developmental psychologists like Mary Rothbart have come to call effortful control, and more generally, self-regulation. The patience, subtlety, and precision of the process makes me fearful that I cannot describe it clearly. But here goes.

She has been working with a young child who would tantrum when adults asked him to do anything. He has a very short attention span, never staying with any activity for more than a moment. Whenever an adult would ask him to do something, he would fall to the floor and complain loudly. Her whole strategy has been to prompt and reinforce his cooperation. But you have to watch carefully to see how she reinforces tiny instances of cooperation.

For example, one day she followed him throughout the classroom, doing whatever he wanted to do—following his lead. But wherever they went she would prompt little bits of cooperation. If he wanted something she would ask for little bit of cooperation before he got it and then reinforce his cooperation by giving him what he wanted (but always being careful not to ask for so much that he would stop cooperating). For example, if he wanted the water turned on, she would ask him if he wanted to do it or wanted her to do it. He might say, “Me do it.” If so, she might say, “Oh, okay. Say ‘Me do it please.’” She then would lift him up so he could turn the water on. In an effort to increase his time spent on activities, she would play with him, prompting little bits of waiting (e.g., for her to hand him a puzzle piece) and praising him when he did.

She also worked on his developing a bit of planfulness. For example, if he was done with his drink and looked at the Playdough, she might say, “You are ready to do some playdough.” If he said yes, her helping him to move to that activity reinforces that tiny bit of planfulness involved in saying yes to his next activity.
As they walked to the Playdough table, she might then say “Remember to walk.” And if he did, she would praise him.

If she had not thought to remind him to walk and he started running, rather than correct him, she would use it as an occasion for emotion coaching. She might catch up to him, and say “Oh you are really excited! Our rule is walking feet.” As he started to walk, she would praise.

Once they got to the Playdough table, she might ask a questions as the activity unfolds: “Do you want sit here or there?” “Do you want red Playdough or blue?” “Do you want to play with Jimmy or Mary?”

Every time he answers one of these questions he is, in a tiny way, cooperating. And he is learning to think about what he is going to do. Thinking before doing is a key aspect of effortful control.

In the process, she is teaching him to be more mindful. He is learning about his feelings, about what he is looking at, what he is experiencing—as well as oh so many concepts, like red, blue, and up.

Over the course of three days, he made great progress. When she came in on the second day, he was walking rather than running. Other teachers were getting him to cooperate more in all kinds of activities. He was able to play with other children for growing lengths of time. On the third day he was a bit more likely to refuse to cooperate, but it was clear he was on his way to developing the skills he need to learn and cooperate.

An untrained observer who watched this process might find it hard to see the subtle ways that Georgia was prompting and reinforcing little bits of cooperation, patience, and sustained attention or how she was reinforcing behavior other than getting upset. What emerges over time is “effortful control.”

After nearly forty years in the behavioral sciences, doing empirical research and publishing papers in important (harrumph, harrumph) journals, I have a reaction to writing this: that it will seem so loose and unscientific. All you need is love! Sure. Right. That song was written forty years ago, but the world doesn’t seem a whole lot better.

But there are two things to consider. First, forty years of behavioral science research shows that positive reinforcement is essential for human wellbeing. And, “love” is a pretty good approximation to what we are talking about. Not a love that flows from feeling good about the other person—like in a romance, but a love that involves caring for, supporting, listening to the other person even when it takes some effort. More like the love a mother shows an infant.

Second, if we haven’t reached the world that the Beatles were singing about, it isn’t because love won’t work, but because we still need to get loving practices out there. I think we are making progress.

Every effective parenting program or school-based program to increase positive behavior primarily involves increasing positive reinforcement for prosocial behavior. Parents have learned to use simple rewards, like stickers, as well as praise, and just time spent with their children to help children learn virtually everything a child needs to learn—dressing themselves, doing homework, doing chores, cooperating with others, and much more.

Or consider the Good Behavior Game. Teachers reward teams of students for brief periods of on-task, cooperative behavior. The rewards are as simple as a little extra recess time. The game dramatically increases children’s cooperation and concentration. Shep Kellam and his colleagues at Johns Hopkins University used the game in first grade classrooms in Baltimore inner-city schools. In their randomized controlled trial where some classrooms got the game and others didn’t, they found that the kids who got the game had less drug abuse, committed fewer crimes, and were less likely to be depressed when they were adults! A little reinforcement for prosocial behavior in first grade changed the entire life trajectory of some of these children!

There is a movement around the world to make schools more reinforcing. It is called Positive Behavior Support or PBS. Schools that do PBS, teach a small number of rules about positive behavior and set up a system to reward students. Rob Horner of the University of Oregon, College of Education tells me that more than 7,000 schools in the U.S. have implemented it.

The role of reinforcement in human behavior is the most solid fact we have in behavioral science research. But we still haven’t gotten this key insight firmly established in the culture. I think this is partly because of the way that B.F. Skinner promoted it (“We can determine behavior!”) and mostly because our culture is so focused on punishing behavior we don’t want. Even people who understand how important reinforcement is, hesitate to call it that. They talk about “encouragement.” They have been punished for saying “reinforcement!”

But it is time to come out of the closet and get people talking about reinforcement. How can we get more of it in the world? How can we shift from punishing behavior we don’t like (which does not work well to deal with problem behavior and does great harm to many people) to reinforcing behavior we want?

Let every school board make increasing reinforcement the mission of every school. Let city councils find ways to increase praise, recognition, and reward of its citizens. Let every workplace reward hard work, cooperation, and innovation.

So what can you do? Start praising, appreciating, commenting on behavior you like. Advocate that others do so and reinforce them when they do. (Watch out, though. You may find that you will quickly come round to criticizing people for not reinforcing! That is not reinforcing. It is punishing!)

Look for instances where people are encouraging reinforcement and share them with others. For example, see the Free Hugs video. Thirty seven million people have seen it so far. Or check out James Taylor’s “Shower the People You Love with Love,” which he sang at the pre-Inaugural event at the Lincoln Memorial.

I invite you to share with readers of this blog, instances of positive reinforcement. What have you done or experienced that illustrates the value of positive reinforcement. Who showed interest in your effort or praised you at a key time in your life and how did it help you. Who did you reinforce and what happened? How can we make reinforcement the cornerstone of the more nurturing society we want to build?